DUMB FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS and more.........
(updated
1.06.10)
Prospective parents of children
from China know that a great big world of wonder and joy awaits them. They should
also know that a smaller world awaits them that involves acquaintances, co-workers
and total strangers asking ridiculous and/or tactless questions as well as making
thoughtless and/or bizarre statements in a wide range of inappropriate situations.
What you will
read on this page are the Top of the Line, Hit Your Head Against a Wall and Drink
Anti-Freeze kind of affairs. Some are classics. Some are ripped from today's
headlines. Some come from a strange and mysterious place in the human psyche
we neither know or understand. But ladies and gentlemen, they are
all....the Champions:
DURING THE ADOPTION/WAITING PROCESS
-
"Do you think you'll ever be able to have
your own (husband and wife go for sympathetic side face) children?"
-
"Did you see that "Law and Order" where
these people who adopted two children from Uzbekaztan ended up getting just butchered by both of the kids?"
Crickets
"Well, did you?"
Crickets crickets
"Well, you really should see it before you go ahead with the adoption."
Suggested Answers:
"I'm sure the children had their reasons."
or
"Not a problem with their homicidal urges now that we know you. Let's trade addresses!"
WHEN YOU RETURN
FROM CHINA WITH YOUR CHILD....
The Classics:
- "How much did she cost?"
-
"Couldn't you have your own children?"
and everyone's favorite Q and A:
- Q: "Are you going
to tell her who her real mother is?"
A:"I am her real mother"
Q:"No, no.
I mean, are you going to tell her who her REAL mother is. You
know!"
>
Is anyone ever really prepared for the
unmitigated thrill of
DFMS - IFOYC (Dumb Frequently Made Statements - In Front of Your Child)?
- "It's
terrible the way they just kill their little girls, isn't it? Hi honey. Oh, aren't you the most beautiful little girl! You're like a China Doll!"
- "Can you get two girls for the
price of one boy?"
Should you ever find youself in this situation, hurridly get out a calculator and start crushing numbers frantically. Make sure you're heard muttering things like "2 girls for 1 boy? How about three girls and a chihuahua?" "What can I get for my grandmother and a day old challah?" Then kick the guy who said it in the nuts and run like hell.
BEING MALL-ED
"I am an adopted Korean. I was in the mall with
my friend and a woman stopped us and said to me, 'You are so beautiful
for being black. How did you get your hair so straight?'There were
so many wrong things with this statement, i could only turn and walk away."
Let's All Relax and Just Enjoy a List of Random Stupid Things People Have Said to People Whose Kids Were Born in Foreign Lands
- "
That's so great you've adopted! I bet now you'll be able to have one of your
own!"
- "That's so great you've adopted! When
she grows up, she'll be so grateful."
- "I think it's so sweet the way (your daughter) calls you Mommy."
- This MENSA candidate guy said to his sister-in-law: "As
a true American, I don't think that I can support international adoption." She told me she hadn't asked his opinion on the subject and never would.
- "My friend's son adopted a girl from China, and they're all so cute with those little slanty eyes."
- "My cousin asked me, "Have you heard anything about that baby you ordered?""
- A woman asked me, pointing to both my little
girls,
"Where d'ya get those?"
- "Are they sisters?.........Real sisters?.............No, no, I mean........................are they BLOOD???"
An Addendum
Ah - memories - may be beautiful and yet..........not.
It was ten years ago this autumn that I became engaged in this prize-winning DFAQ Dialogue with a woman at the Children's Museum with one of my kids who was no longer a toddler, still - within hearing distance. She was a little kid and she deserved, as all our kids do, a simple day at the museum with her love-struck mother:
Her: "Is she yours?" (after observing my daughter and I for about 20 minutes laughing and doing Children's Museum stuff.)
Me: "Yes"
Her: "Is she natural?"
Me: "She looks pretty natural to me."
Her: "Is your husband Chinese?"
Me: "Don't think so."
Her: "You don't look Chinese."
Pause.
Me: (silence as I gather our stuff to take our leave .....)
Her: "Are you?"
Me: "Me? No. No, I'm don't think I'm Chinese"."
Her: (exasperated and yelling as we walk away)"Well, SHE looks Chinese, you know!!!!"
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